How can Sympathy Cause Trauma?Persons with skills and abilities that are different from the average member of their culture, often called “disabled,” are often exposed to vicarious trauma of people they interact with. Even when the “disability” is a loss of functioning that has been previously grieved and adjusted to by the person with the “disability,” they are still exposed to the vicarious trauma of others who do not know how they would cope in a similar situation.When a “disability” is revealed (shown, described, etc.), the average person often responds from the perspective of needing to cope without having developed the skills necessary to do so. They experience an imagined trauma. They sympathize with an experience of loss. Even if not communicated verbally, the resulting emotions are often expressed through facial expression, tone of voice, and body language. As social animals, people learn about themselves from the reactions of others, both verbal and non-verbal. Therefore, in addition to coping with the situations in their own life, which may or may not be traumatic, they must deal with providing the stimulation for this imagined trauma that others experience. They may come to see themselves as a traumatic event in the lives of others. In order for people with “disabilities” to develop and maintain self-esteem, it is important for them to understand that this reaction of others is not about the “disability,” but it is a response to a lack of coping skills. Frequent internal reviews of personal strengths can also support self-esteem, as can the ability to engage in a balanced discussion of personal strengths and weaknesses with others. Stress management and wellness maintenance are also critical skills for the individual with a “disability”. Just as professionals who witness the trauma of others need to practice stress management to prevent occupational burnout, individuals with “disabilities” need to manage themselves in such a way that they do not burn out on life. When interacting with people with “disabilities” it is important to remember that responding from one’s own point of view, without considering the complete context of another person’s life can be harmful. Skills in empathetic responding, which include tentativeness, emotional accuracy and avoiding words such as “awful” and “horrible,” promote healing emotional connections with others. For example, instead of stating “that must be awful,” one could say “that seems like it might be difficult (hard, sad, etc), how are you doing with it?” Janet Kaye Love is a Professional Counselor who works with youth who have a diverse range of physical, cognitive, and emotional abilities to assist them in reaching their full potential. She also provides programs to educate the public and professional care givers about issues related to ability differences. © Janet Kaye Love 7333 East Highway 290 Suite 103, Austin, TX 78723 512-782-2943
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